Deut 6:7 “…You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise”.
Recently, I received an intriguing message from a childhood friend, whom I last saw 25years ago. It was simply a photo, of the back of a young lady, with the question, “Is this your daughter, she looks just like you?”
My childhood friend was visiting a church in Cape Town (1400km from where I live) and sat behind the young lady in question. She found her resemblance to me so uncanny that she felt compelled to discreetly photograph her and send me the image.
When I failed to respond to her message immediately (since I too was in church at the time), her curiosity simply couldn’t be contained. She approached the young lady directly, introduced herself and said, “Are you Denise’s daughter?”
I’m sure you’re eager to know the outcome of the story, but that will have to wait for a little while.
Let’s pause for a moment… Now glance across at your son or daughter. What do you see?
Do those small ears, stubby toes or that broad forehead look familiar? Maybe you recognize that all-too-familiar touch of impatience as you watch them play? Or is the similarity found in that ‘look’ they give you when they can’t get their own way?
Do you see it? Do you see the ‘Me in You’?
Our genetic code is passed down from generation to generation. It carries through into our children’s appearance. However, there are so many more attributes that we pass down. Our temperament, mannerisms and habits are often equally visible in our children.
The ‘Me in Her’
Let’s take a second pause. Reflect for a moment on what really matters to you.
Maybe it’s a solid work ethic or good manners. Maybe it’s an organised space or being punctual. What do you believe the world needs more of? What feels so important to you that you could not live without it? The answers to these questions reflect your personal values.
In my reflections, I settled on a list of three:
- My relationship with God
- Quality time with family
- Physical and emotional wellness
I began to wonder about how these three values had bubbled up to the top of my list and decided to conduct a little informal experiment. I asked my mom to list the things are most important to her in life and she sent me the following reply:
- Love the Lord with all my heart
- Love my family with my whole heart
As I read her reply, I was drawn back in time to the memories of my childhood. Mom lying on the bed in the afternoons reading her Bible. The many hours that our family spent in church. We didn’t simply attend church, we were saturated by church. I remember the morning family devotions and the ‘togetherness’ of shared meals. With fondness I recalled the countless family visits, celebrations, holidays and boating trips.
And in that moment I saw it! I saw the ‘Me in Her’.
Now where was I with my story? Ah yes … “Are you Denise’s daughter?”
When my childhood friend saw the young lady who resembled me, it was more than just her looks. It was her mannerisms, her laughter and most especially the context of that random encounter. You see, this friend and I grew up together in church and in that moment, she was transported back to the familiar memories of our shared childhood.
Sitting there, in that church, my friend had indeed recognised my daughter. She had found the ‘Me in Her’.
Many hours away from her childhood home, my daughter was continuing to give expression to the same value as that of her mother and her grandmother – the value of experiencing a loving relationship with her Creator.
The ‘You in Them’
In my subsequent moments of reflection, I realised that there had never been a lecture on the importance of church. Instead, the weekly routines and habits of our family had become my teacher and in turn became hers.
Our values are seldom taught to our children in the formal sense of the word, but are more subtly ‘leaked down’ from generation to generation. When we consistently make time for something, we unintentionally send the message to our children that this is important. Furthermore, by taking our children along on our journey, they experience the value for themselves.
Let’s pause one last time. Reflect once again on your values list. Are those things front and centre in your life or have they somehow made their way to the very bottom of your To-Do List? Have they become a constantly-postponed event on your calendar?
This cannot be! We cannot allow this to continue to happen. Let’s get them back on the list. Let’s give them the time they deserve. Let’s make sure that they are the first things added to our schedules and the last things postponed.
You might feel overwhelmed with the pressures of life. It may even seem selfish to prioritize the things you value. However, they matter too much to continue to be ignored. They are the fuel that keeps you going and the source of deepest contentment in your life.
Still not convinced? Well there’s one extremely important reason to once again prioritize what matters most. In doing so a great reward lies ahead.
It’s the generational legacy of seeing the reflection of those things that matter most to you, mirrored with conviction in the lives of your children and grandchild.
It’s the reward of seeing ‘You in Them’.
